Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
