what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
