just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
