So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
