I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
