Pappa wants mamma naked
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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