im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
