Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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