i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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