I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
