I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
