Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I touched a dick in church today
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
