Umm I'm too high to move.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
