How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
