i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
