My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
They took my balls.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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