By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
