remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
