just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
