I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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