Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Randomize
