i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
no you cant smoke seaweed
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
