I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
