I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
