the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
