Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
40s are totally the cure
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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