the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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