no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Come see our sink grown plant.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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