Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
