I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
