last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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