i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
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