I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
