Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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