guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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