Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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