I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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