Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
