Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
