cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
A bitchslap is in order.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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