Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
