He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
