At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
There are leaves in my underwear?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
