You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize