In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
