I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
