A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
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Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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