If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Holy shit dude........stairs
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