I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
