i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The power of my boobs compel you
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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