Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he was CRYING into my vagina
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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