mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
