We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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