you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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