I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
