I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
