theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
