I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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