I'm going to jail i love you
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
