Define "chronic" masturbator.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It was confusing and full of hummus
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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