Umm I'm too high to move.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
