I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So vagazzling was a success
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
