Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
