i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
