I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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