When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
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I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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